They would claim that I can be moody...
I could retort with: I'm a woman! It's how we're wired... In order to make room for the depth of emotion we feel for when you are sick...for the poor...for suffering, etc...we have to have a "wide-spectrum" of emotions...that happen to be "easier" to influence than the typical males...
...But I won't use that excuse...because it doesn't solve anything...
Instead...here is how you deal with it...
1. I will use myself - vs. women - but know that I am not atypical as far as emotion goes within the female world...
2. More likely than not...I seem VERY upset by something stupid and not relevantly impactful on life such as (real examples):
- I have to use the bathroom and have to hold it for three hours...making me through somewhat of a silent temper tantrum consisting of sighs and movements of displeasure...this somehow directed at the person next to me (pee puey) that has nothing to do with the situation. I'm aware of this...but I don't care. I want her to know how upset I am. 2-year old behavior. How to solve this? Ignore me or (and this is better...) say "I know this must be terrible for you...I would feel the same..." At this point: silent tantrum would be over. If I'm ignored...that's fine...I'll get over it once the small irritation is gone, with absolutely no effect on the other person.
-i was promised a towel this morning to shower with. No towel and everyone dead asleep when I wake up. I instantly grow very irritated that my needs were cast aside for late night partying. I pout to myself. This lasts 3 minutes because there is nothing I can do. I shake myself dry. I'm clean...irritation gone.
-when in a relationship: let's say I take two hours to get ready for a particular event and I'm very excited about it...my bf picks me up and says..."You know...I have an early morning meeting...can we just skip it and grab some dinner...?" I would seem "colder" and say it was fine. I do not want to be not-flexible. I would pout. I know it wouldn't change anything at all but I somehow want my bf to know my discontent. How to fix? Simply say "sweetheart...listen...I have an early meeting...and I KNOW how much you want to go to this event but I'm just not feeling up for it tonight...maybe we could compromise...have dinner together...go to the event for a half hour...and if you'd like to stay...perfectly okay...". This would instantly turn me to think, "he is the most considerate man...I will follow him anywhere...". And we would go have dinner, I would suggest we skip the event all together and go home. I would be happier than if we went to the event because I now know how considerate my partner is...
-if I am getting dressed for something and grow really frustrated and irritated because nothing fits right and I'm feeling bloated...and my hair sucks...and my skin looks bad...and one complaint just leads to the next... Know this: there is NOTHING you can do....it's all in my head. BUT...trickery works! So just grab my ass and tell me I have the best body he's ever seen....give me a kiss on the forehead....and offer to get me a cup of coffee or a glass of wine....and problem solved! My mind will instantly switch FROM "I can't believe I look so ugly", TO: "I can't believe I am SO blessed to have this person in my life!". And now I'm glowing with happiness!
See...so the secret is...manipulate! I know that is what is happening...but as long as its the GENUINE strategic (the manipulation part) placement of compliments and soothing phrases....I'm okay with that!
When in doubt...keep in mind this: how do you soothe a two-year old in a temper tantrum?
Give him/her something that she wants. Whether a hug...a kiss...candy...anything you know the child LIKES...
And when all fails...IGNORE me and leave me to pout alone...because 97% of the time...you have nothing to do with this and you're just an innocent bystander in a tantrum...
What NOT to do - the following is like throwing a bucket of gasoline on a fire:
- tell me to stop having a tantrum or to stop pouting. Trust me: not good because I will defend the fact that I am NOT having a tantrum until I'm blue in the face and will truly be upset with you for negating my feelings...
- compare my behavior to other women or to ANYONE with the outcome of my behavior being "irrational"... this makes me angry just typing this... If you like the behavior of someone else...go be with them :)
- give me an ultimatum such as "pull yourself together or we just won't go"....or..."If you don't stop complaining about being bloated, I might as well just start saying you're bloated...". No no no! Bad Bad Bad!!!
Remember...I KNOW I'm being irrational...and once I'm calm...I will hug you and tell you, "thank you for putting up with my temper tantrum!". BUT...only I can refer to my emotions as temper tantrums...if you do...again...not good...I will defend my rationality...
Had two little temper tantrums (the bus and towel scenarios) yesterday....and was laughing as myself this morning....and thought it would be educational to address...
So there you have it! Not a deathly flaw at all if you can kill it at the root by regurgitating the same phrase of "did I tell you how beautiful you are today?"
:)
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