Hard Decision...

I made a pretty hard decision last night.  As of right now, I'm happy with it...and I'm not sure why I always feel the need to justify my actions/decisions (I think it's because I go through such a complex equation of decision making...with SO many inputs, that unless I explain the inputs and the process, the decision will seem out-of-line with my current and past thought...)

Originally - my plan (as can be referenced in my first blog posting) had three parts:  muay thai boxing training/bangkok sightseeing (personal growth), 5/6 weeks of VolunThai volunteering, and then running a half-marathon in Angkor Wat (health and personal accomplishment)...

Next week I will have completed parts 1 and 2.  Part 2 being 95% of this trip.

I spend COUNTLESS hours thinking of home.  I think about my friends, family and the love and comfort that I miss so much...  I LOVE this experience.  There are COUNTLESS benefits - and they will only INCREASE in worth with time...this is fact...BUT...

There comes a point where I have to examine my actions if I spend SO much time thinking of ELSEWHERE...SOMEWHERE ELSE...SOMEONE ELSE...  I have to re-calibrate...

I re-calibrate often...yet never without hesitation as I feel I somehow did not make the right decision originally.  This is just due to my nature, as I know it is IMPOSSIBLE to make the 100% correct choice the first time due to all of the unknown inputs...  But I always aim to make the best decision I can with the information that I have...  

I re-calibrated last night and decided to come home after PART 2.  I will not be running the race in Angkor Wat...I will not go to Cambodia...

This was a hard decision for me to make because I did not want to feel like I FAILED at this task.  Trust me...I CAN run this race...i'm VERY competetive...and if someone ever questioned this...I would run twice the distance just to prove that this was, in fact, true (not always a good thing about me...but certainly a component of my personality...)  On the fulfillment scale...Part 3 would only be a small percentage...Part 2 was 95%, remember...

The joy that I have from making this decision...and knowing that in less than two weeks I will be home...is indescribable.  It will make my last week of teaching MUCH more effective...

There are ancillary facts that played into my decision...but truly accounted for 20% of the inputs...  instability with Thai/Cambodian relations at this time...work at home that I will feel better being in CHICAGO doing (would be 'more professional' of me)...etc...

So...my few friends that read this...I will be touching down at O'Hare Airport at 3:30 PM on Wednesday, December 2nd.  I will be home to wish Steve Hanna and Nick Debkowski a Happy Birthday on December 3rd...and that makes me very happy...

As always...my intuition as a guide...doesn't fail.

As to the potential 'experience' gained in Cambodia...  I have a good 50 years ahead of me to claim it...